Alhaji Nuhu Ribadu - The Most Badass Man Alive (Apple Sanity

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Alhaji Nuhu Ribadu - The Most Badass Man Alive
- (Last modified on: Jan. 13 at: 1:22 pm. EST)
  This man is a man's man. He kicks asses. He fights crime. He's a snappy dresser. Women throw themselves at his feet; he walks right over them. In spite of endless assassination attempts, death threats, and bribes, he rises above all the shit around him. He's not just a badass, he IS badass.
- Occasionally, poseurs come up to this badass, thinking that they're the shit. But one look at him in person, and they piss their pants. They all run home, crying for their mamas.
- Alhaji Nuhu Ribadu is the anti-graft chairman of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) of Nigeria, which is one of the most corrupt nations in the world. Despite being the world's 8th largest exporter of oil, its citizens barely get to see any of that wealth because all those riches keep getting embezzled and laundered. In his crusade for the impoverished people of his country, Nuhu Ribadu has taken down governors and billionaires.
- That's right, you heard me - this is the man who fights and wins battles against some of the most corrupt assholes in the world. In just a few years of loyal, zealotous service, he has recovered more than $5 billion in stolen money. The truth is, no other wannabe can even compare to this man. He is the most badass man alive.
- Okay, there is one man who is more badass than Nuhu Ribadu - the King of Kings, Jesus Christ. But see, the Jesus is dead.
- The only thing better than being a badass is being a badass that fights the good fight. Thanks to his efforts, 130 million Nigerians are finally starting to reap the precious natural resources of their country. No other man alive is doing more for his fellow people than Nuhu Ribadu - even if it comes at the expense of his very own life.
- Sure, he may have glasses. Sure, he may be small and scrawny. But you do not want to fuck with him.
- This man took down Nigerian Chief of Police, Inspector General (IG) Tafa Balogun, by uncovering holdings in excess of $150 million in Swiss bank accounts and $200 million in London accounts. Ribadu's posse down at the EFCC have recovered at least 1.9 billion Nigerian Naira (over $15 million). (1)
- Tafa Balogun - he fucked with Nuhu Ribadu - and lost.
- I don't know what you and your people do in your spare time, but you do not want to take on a police chief if you value your life - especially if the police chief has enough kickbacks to make you and your family disappear whenever he feels like it.
- This one time, Chuck Norris tried to pick a fight with Nuhu Ribadu. The details are unclear, but a hospital in L.A. is currently feeding Chuck Norris liquified peas through a tube, as he shits in bedpans. Investigators questioned him about his mangled testicles, but they received no answer because Mr. Norris was crying like a baby. (2)
- This page is dedicated to the most badass man ALIVE, Alhaji Nuhu Ribadu, for his courageous accomplishments and fearless efforts. The following will include his biography, his carreer, and more than enough evidence to show why he is so fucking awesome.
- “Whoever you are... you will be brought before justice if there is call.... And we don't discriminate. Whoever you are, whether you are powerful... I have individuals behind bars, in prison today with all well over a million dollars in their own accounts.” (3)
- - Nuhu Ribadu, Badass Chairman of EFCC Nigeria
- (Under Construction)
The Biography of a Badass
- Birth: Yola, Adamawa State on 11 November, 1960
- Education:
The Early Carreer of a Badass
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The Recent Conquests of a Badass
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The Legacy of a Badass
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- The Footnotes and Bibliography of a Badass
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- “Most Badass Man Alive”
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  Written by Dinah Cheshire
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