• Yes, I have seen High Fidelity
• (Last modified on: Jan. 11 at: 1:40 am. EST)
  Lately, many of my posts have been about politics and religion. So, to counter all the freaky bad negative vibes, I'm going to do something different. Instead of ranting about people and things I hate, let's talk about things and people I like.
• Each category is fairly arbitrary. Each category will have a short description, which describes the criteria for being the best in that respective slot. I'll be listing winners faster than I can write about them, so if you see a title that is underlined, then an article is available.
• Actually, now that I think about it, I'll write one article for this page every week.

The Best Deleted Scene

• Usually, when you buy a DVD, you get things called “bonus features,” which include things like “deleted scenes.” Then, you watch these scenes and realize, “Oh, so that's why these scenes aren't in the movie - they're redundant, unnecessary, or stupid. Wow, now I feel stupid for wasting $24.99 on something I could have just downloaded off the internet.”
• Once in a while, however, comes an amazing, epic movie that just happens to be several hours long. These movies have deleted scenes that weren't exactly unnecessary, but were sacrificed for the sake of time constraints. And, in tradition of my very subjective analysis of thousands, if not millions of DVD bonus feature packages, the honor goes to:
• “Francesca's Engagement” from Francis Ford Coppola's The Godfather Part II
• Runner-ups include half the other deleted scenes from the 3-part boxed set ofthis trilogy.

The Best Sappy Movie

• Basically, some romantic comedy drama that's as beautiful as it is genius. You laugh, you cry, you feel so artistic and self-satisfied for appreciating such a movie. Sappy Movies do not count as guilty pleasures. Sappy movies still have to be good and intelligent.In this category, there is no contest; there are no runner-ups.
• Sofia Coppola's Lost in Translation
• Have you seen France Ford Coppola's The Godfather III? Christ Almighty, Sofia Coppola is a fucking terrible actress, however.

The Best Music Video

• This category is a bit tricky because it combines two mediums: a song and a short video. I've seen great songs with awful videos; I've seen shitty songs with great videos. I've also seen great songs paired with awesome videos, even though the two have jack shit do with each other. And the choice was pretty hard.
• The Smashing Pumpkins' “Tonight, Tonight”
• With runner-up: Alizée's “J'en Ai Marre” (live)
• 3rd: Kylie Minogue's “Can't Get You Outta My Head”
• Contenders included Michael Jackson's “Thriller ,” The Smashing Pumpkins' “Ava Adore ,” The Red Hot Chili Peppers' “Californication,” and Michael Jackson's “Smooth Criminal.”

The Best Happy, Feel-Good Movie

• Basically, that warm and fuzzy movie that you don't feel so guilty about giving you pleasure. You watch it and you feel all happy and gooey and lovey-dovey inside.
• Jean-Pierre Jeunet's Amélie
• Contenders include just about any awesome Disney movie, Rob Reiner's The Princess Bride, Wes Anderson's The Royal Tennenbaums and Paul Thomas Anderson's Punch Drunk Love.

The Best Animated Feature

• If you haven't read the article about anime, then read it now.
• Richard William's Work Print (The Thief and the Cobbler)
• There were quite a few contenders - Disney's Alice in Wonderland, Disney's The Rescuers, Disney's Snow White, Disney's Beauty and the Beast, Disney's Fantasia 2000, Disney's The Little Mermaid, Disney's Aladdin, Disney's Lilo and Stitch, Disney's Fantasia, and Akira.

The Best Animated Short

• Any work of animation that is less than oh say, 20 minutes long. Either as a stand-alone, or as part of some larger work.
• “Rhapsody in Blue” from Disney's Fantasia 2000
• Honestly, there are just too many contenders to list here.

The Best Alcohol

• As if there's any argument -
• Gin
• The love of my life.

The Best Guilty Pleasure Movie

• Some movie that you like but you feel guilty about, because if anybody found out, they would start making fun of you (even though, deep down inside, they love that movie too). Perhaps it affects you on some personal level connection, perhaps it's soooo bad that it's pure genius. I don't know. But I have my guilty pleasures. I suppose now that I've admitted them, and I'm proud of them, that they're not really guilty pleasures. Well, fuck you.
• Sugar and Spice
• With runner-up: Spiceworld

The Most Badass Man Alive

• This is the man's man. He kicks asses. He fights crime. He's a snappy dresser. Women throw themselves at his feet; he walks right over them. Nobody dares to cross his path. In spite of endless assassination attempts, death threats, and bribes, he rises above all the shit around him. He's not just a badass, he IS badass.
• Alhaji Nuhu Ribadu, Chairman of Nigeria's EFCC
• There are are no runner-ups. When they heard the name of Alhaji Nuhu Ribadu, they all pissed their pants and went crying to mommy.

The Best Drug Movie

• Any movie that is about drugs, the drug lifestyle, selling drugs, inspired by drugs, or any movie whose plot is catalyzed by drugs.
• Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
• Contenders included Scarface, Harold and Kumar Go to Whitecastle, How High, Half-Baked, Blow, and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

The Best Catchphrase Coined by a Black Whoremongering Crackhead

• Self-explanatory.
• Marion Barry's “Bitch set me up!”
• Runner-up: Ol' Dirty Bastard's “This type of pain, you couldn't even kill with Midol”
• And, as a show of good faith and proof that I'm an equally affirmative opportunistic actionable racist,

The Best Catchphrase Coined by a White Whoremonger (and Probably also a Crackhead)

• Bill Clinton's “I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Miss Lewinsky.”
• Runner-up: Bill Clinton's “It depends on what the definition of 'is,' is.”