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Brought to you by Maddox, the guy
who operates "The Best Page in the Universe,"
comes The Alphabet of Manliness. This book is
basically a guide to, well, manliness. This is a man's
book. This is a man's man's book. Jesus would have loved
this book. Fuck, I'm positive that Jesus Christ, our Lord
and Savior (the manliest of manly men), gave the divine
inspiration for this book. The Patri et Fili et Spiritus
Sancti ordained this book.
Essentially, the book is structured like the alphabet:
A is for "Asskicking," B is for "Boners,"
C is for "Copping a Feel," for example. Let
me flip to a random page. Honest to Christ, I flipped
to a random page just now and I am going to pick randomly
a paragraph.
Quickly, Name two famous women inventors. Too hard? Okay,
name one. How about a famous invention made by a woman?
Give up? That's because there are none. Men invented everything.
From Plato's momentous discovery of wrestling to John
Holme's perfection of the money shot, all notable milestones
of human achievement have come about because of men.
Okay, another random passage - seriously, I'm picking
these at random:
If left unsupervised, you find that most women will naturaly
find their way to the kitchen. Although your kitchen may
appear to be safe at first, there are several potential
risks that you need to be aware of. The most common accidents
occur when pot handles are left hanging over the edge
of the stove. Make sure to turn the handles toward the
back of the stove, where she will be less likely to knock
them over while she's mopping the floors.
And another RANDOM passage:
When you smother some to death with a placenta,
you're using the beginning of someone's life as a means
to end someone's life. This smothering doesn't actually
kill the victim, but rather, his head will explode because
of the sheer irony.
Alright. One more:
Camel toe is the outline of a vagina caused
by thongs or panties that are pulled too tight - and
by "too tight," I mean just right. Camel toe
makes the world a better place. If there were any justice
in this world, politician would put aside their petty
bickering for a few minutes to make it a national law
that all women must (a) wear thongs and (b) give themselves
wedgies each day. THe second law would be optional because
it's not necesary for women to give themselves wedgies.
I will volunteer.
Buy
this book. Buy this book by clicking on any one of
the links on this page, because I get paid if you do.
This book is one of the raunchiest, most sexist, mountain
of testosterone-esque things I've ever read. Glory be
to Jesus.
Buy This Book
written by Dinah Cheshire
exclusive property of applesanity.com
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