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It was inevitable.

For Christ's sake, born-agains are still supporting Israel because if the Jews rebuild the temple, Jesus will come back. People can't help but misinterpret any and every thing when they can see only what they want to see.

Bring it on.

Update 21 August: Well shit. After the piece of hate mail, submitted by Brendan Ballou Kelley , arrived, I have stopped receiving any more. I still receive un-hate mail, though. So, for all you haters out there too timid to reply: please! Do feel free to submit hate mail. Just don't taunt me with taunts that you really wouldn't want me to carry out. Don't ask me to destroy your name on search engines; don't ask me to fight you. I will kill you. With my bare hands. Then I'll eat two pounds of asparagus soup, wait like four hours or so, and then, urinate all over your mangled carcass with my concentrated asparagus piss, purely out of spite.

Update 29 June: Today I had to meet personally with the Columbia University administration about this domain. Apparently, somebody contacted Columbia and so they were obligated to talk to me. I swear, somebody tried to get Columbia to censor me. I am not kidding. To this person:

FUCK YOU. How dare you waste my time and Columbia's time? Just who the fuck do you think you are? You are a whiny, little cunt. You are too lame to approach me directly. Instead, you went crying to mommy - the Columbia administration - as if they have any right to tell me what I can do or say on a personal, independent website. Here's a clue: Columbia can't do jack shit. YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT. THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED IS TO WASTE EVERYONE'S TIME. CONGRATULATIONS.

Invitation Accepted.

Christ Almighty, I think some little freshman twerp just claimed moral superiority over me. Who is this pretentious know-it-all?

This is the face of Brendan Ballou Kelley :

My parents raised me just fine, thank you very much. How childish of you to bring my parents into your email. Will your next email come accompanied with a few 'yo mama' jokes, Brendan Ballou Kelley ?

How did your parents raise you? Did they tell you that taking the easy way out is commendable? Did they tell you that making an entire campus suffer for you problems is okay? Did they tell you that, instead of using whatever intelligence you might have, you should take things out of context in order to form your stupid opinions? Here's a clue: that page is speculation - an entire article asking the question, “What if?” That's all. Apophenia: you reek of it, Brendan Ballou Kelley .

Let it be known to everyone the reach of this website. 'Apple Sanity' is rigged into multiple directories and sitemap programs. Within a week of this update, this page will be thoroughly indexed. The result is that whenever you do an online search for Brendan Ballou , this will be one of the first hits - ahead of his 'Bwog' articles and ahead of his 'brog' page. That's right: any friend, any internet user, and especially any job interviewer, will see this page that is especially dedicated to you, Brendan Ballou Kelley .

This page would not have been possible without the blank check that Brendan Ballou Kelley has written to me. By his own, personal request, I have been invited to find information on him. So for any person interested in who Brendan Ballou Kelley is, here are some excerpts from his 'political' blog:

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Why I am a Massive Tool (part seven in an ongoing series)

Actually, I think one excerpt is quite enough. Brendan Ballou has told us everything we need to know about him in surprisingly few words. But for more clarification, Brendan Ballou is another hippie liberal Columbia pseudo-intellectual. He drives a green Volkswagon Beetle. He comes from a white suburban family that lives near a golf course. Like so many other elitist, rich, white, suburban kids afflicted with elitist, rich, white guilt, he'll tell you that he is super well-informed about anything and everything: philosophy, politics, parenting - but afterwards, he'll throw some self-pity on himself to guilt trip you into thinking that he must right.

Yes, it's true your mother is a divorce lawyer, but I won't hold that against her. For the benefit of the doubt, I'll assume her mothering skills are just fine - despite giving Howard Dean $500.

Here's a group photo from his high school paper, the Central High Times, taken when he was 17:

Who's that kid standing all the way in the back, alone, and with no friends? So tell us, how were your teenage years?

Skimming through the 'Bwog,' I found something that Brendan Ballou Kelley wrote:

“Covering the Senior Class Council debate last Wednesday, I realized how inadequate a journalist I really am. When I showed up... I found the reporter for Spec was already there....

The reporter really had her stuff together. She had a real steno pad. She had prepared questions. She worked the room for quotes. I, on the other hand, fished around in my backpack for a few blank sheets of paper and helped myself to the free chicken wings.”

Seriously, son - your self-pity is not impressing anybody. And you clearly lack the work ethic that employers look for when hiring. But you job interviewers don't have to take my word - just go to other links with Brendan Ballou Kelley 's name to find excerpts like:

“It’s only 8 AM here on the west coast and I am up bright and early to hear DNC Chairman Howard Dean address the rowdy YearlyKos crowd.”

“Wow, I realize this email itself is pretty pretentious. Sorry.”

Honestly, Brendan Ballou - I really didn't care one way or the other about your hate mail (trite and reeked of inflammatory clichés) - not until you invited me for a challenge. Invitation accepted.

(Update 06 July: What I predicted has come true. Look up Brendan Ballou's name. On any “Google” powered search engine, this page is the #2 hit. And on any “MSN” powered search engine, this page is the #1 hit. I win.)

You just have to admire the pathetic attempt to disguise this email as NOT hate mail.

To clarify, this email is my first genuine response about my website from someone that I don't know personally. I was so happy that my reply to this guy was very sincere, well-mannered, and thorough. I explained to him that throughout the 'Richard Ng' page, I put forth the fact that if the cause of suicide was due to some external force or some mental disorder, then this death is most certainly a tragedy.

However, if Richard Ng simply couldn't 'hack it,' then by killing himself, he has hurt so many people around him - his friends and family, as well as the people who didn't even know him at all. To cause so many people pain and torment because you're having some personal problems is selfish indeed. Moreover, he has denied himself any potential as a human being. Lastly, I stated to him that my reply email offered nothing new that could not be read within context from the page in question.

I can't possibly fathom why my argument is wrong. If Richard Ng got pushed off the bridge, if he was being blackmailed, if there was some imbalance of neurotransmitters or hormones or whatever in his head, if he was in serious need for a prescription of anti-depressants, then who wouldn't feel saddened? Whether if we knew him, we as human beings cannot help but be hurt by the death of any other human being. But the fact remains that the suicide happened during the week of final exams at Columbia, which means that personal problems are a viable cause.

Nevertheless, we simply can't be sure either way. I'm just speculating. Too many are jumping on a bloated pity bandwagon, madly engaged in some contest to see who can be the most sensitive. You're not impressing anyone with your pity.

Before the memory of this event gets forgotten and buried under some other media-worthy event, we must ask all the relevant questions, no matter how poorly-timed.

That being said, let's get back to this email. Let's pick it apart:

“I know what you're expecting me to say--you're a douchebag, why did you post that, you insensitive bastard, and the like.”

Jesus fucking Christ. This guy honestly thinks that I write and post articles to garner hate mail. Sorry buddy, I write and post articles to argue about things that interest me. If I didn't believe strongly in the things I write about, then I wouldn't be wasting so much effort. My intention is to tell you what I believe, not to offend you. If you're offended, then tell me you're offended. But don't be so pretentious to think that I care so much about you that I would write something simply for the sake of getting your attention by pissing you off.

Secondly, if you're going to insult me, then insult me. Have some balls. Don't put your insults in the form of a hypothetical statement to distance yourself from what you really want to say. Pathetic.

“But I really want to know--why did you write that?”

Chris, you have made the assumption that I wrote that page to show everyone that I'm some sort of 'douchebag' and 'insensitive bastard.' Open your fucking eyes, sit your ass down, and re-read the article.

There's a word for people like you - apophenia. The reason why I wrote that article is to argue a point that I feel strongly about. That's it. Stop looking for ulterior motives or conspiracy theories.

I am fully aware that while I never intend on being offensive, many of my posts are indeed offensive. But guess what - political correctness always gets in the way of free speech.

“Not looking to judge...”

Fuck you.

Written by Dinah Cheshire
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