Fading away like the gin martini's, straight up with a twist,
|
|
(Note: not only should the gin be chilled, the glass should be as well. Fill glasses with ice and water for thirty seconds, then empty and lightly shake dry. And everything needs to be cold. Frigid. Arctic like a nun's vibrator. The ice that you use should be kept separate from everything else or else it will get freezer smells. Freeze the glass if you can. Freeze the gin. Do not freeze the vermouth. Never use the same ice twice. Cold, frostbitten, colder than your parents' love lives.) The only gins you should be using: Bombay Sapphire, Tanqueray no. 10 The only vermouths: Martini & Rossi or Nolly Prat And for the love of Jesus Christ, do not for the sake of your own self respect, use one of those trendy new-age, fake-me-out martini glasses with little balls at the bottom instead of stems. Or those avant-garde, post-post-post-modern glasses that swim in a tub of ice water. What the fuck? What kind of fucking cuntrag shit-eating cocksucker would design a martini glass that swims around a fucking tub of water? For you to get your hands wet? What happens if you have to walk across the room - you gotta take your stupid tub of ice with you because setting it down just anywhere will spill it. Martini glasses have stems for a reason - so your hands don't warm the glass. If it ain't broken, then don't be an asshole. Stop holding your martini glasses by the bowls. If you can't hold a martini glass stable by the stem, then you should be drinking cocktails in highball glasses. Or beer. Out of 16-ounce red plastic cup. From a keg. Am I being pretentious and snooty? Yes, yes I am. And so should you. Do an search for gin recipes and you'll find hundreds; most don't feature gin as the main alcohol. Then, why bother? The following embrace gin as it should be. “Gin Martini Straight Up”Shake either Tanqueray #10 or Bombay Sapphire with ice in a shaker and pour into a flawless martini glass that's worth at least a fortune. Garnish with a lemon peel twist, pearls and diamonds. This is my favorite way to drink my gin and the only way i drink Bombay Sapphire or Tanqueray #10. Bad gin is still gin, and the following recipes are ways to enjoy bad gin... which is still gin. If you plan on using anything besides Bombay or Tanqueray for a gin recipe, drink beeer instead. “The Winston Churchill”Legend or fact has it that the old man only drank his martinis one way. Londay dry gin (i.e. Bombay Sapphire), freezing, frigid, frosty cold. Skip the vermouth. Garnish with a lemon peel. “Gin Martini Extra, Arid, Desert Dry”Pour a splash of Martini & Rossi or Nolly Prat vermouth in the glass, swirl to coat the glass, and empty, leaving a very small amount in the glass. Shake either Tanqueray #10 or Bombay Sapphire with ice in a shaker and pour into glass. Serve with two olives. “Gin 'A' Game”For the clubbers and party-goers, for the bar-hoppers and the pre-gamers. Equal parts gin and Red Bull, chilled, into a highball glass with ice, or equal parts gin and Red Bull, chilled, into a bottle to take onto the subway ride. “Allen Cocktail”Two shots gin, a shot of Maraschino liquor (Mar-ah-skin-oh), and a dash of lemon juice - Shake in a in shaker and pour over ice in a highball or cocktail glass. Garnish with a lemon wedge. “Gin and Tonic”Fill a highball glass with ice and add one part gin, three parts tonic. If tonic is unavailable, Sprite or ginger ale works, sort of. But seriously, go buy yourself some tonic. “Bronx Cocktail”Originated at a bar called the Big Brass Rail, a bar in the Waldorf Hotel before the Astoria part of Waldorf=Astoria was built, back when Mark Wahlberg was Marky Mark. And yes, they use an equal sign instead of a dash. Combine a shot of gin, half an ounce each of sweet and dry vermouth, two ounces orange juice, and a dash of Angostura Bitters into a shaker with ice and strain over ice in an old fashion glass. Garnish with an orance slice. “Perfect Tanqueray Martini”The official recipe - five parts Tanqueray and part Nolly Prat into a shaker; garnish with an almond-stuffed olive. “Pure Perfection Martini”The other official recipe - four ounces Bombay Sapphire with one ounce of Martini & Rossi Dry into a shaker; garnish with two colossal pimento stuffed olives. “Gin and Juice”First, be sure that you and your homeboys got a pocketfull of rubbers. Mix equal parts of gin and orange juice in a higball glass with ice. Fruit punch or Cranberry juice works as well. Serve with a blunt of your kindest bud. Puff, puff pass. “We don't love them ho's.” “Fancy Gin”Shake 2 ounces gin, 1/4 teaspoon each of Triple Sec and powdered Sugar, and a dash of bitters with ice and strain into a martini glass. Garnish with a lemon peel twist. “Gin Aloha”Shake 1 1/2 ounces each of gin and Triple Sec, 1 tablespoon of pineapple juice and a dash of orange bitters with ice and strain into a martini glass. “Gin and Tonic, Variation #2”Fill a highball glass with ice and add three parts gin, one part tonic. “Emerald Forest”Combine two shots of gin and half an ounce each of Green Crème de Menthe and White Crème de Menthe into a shaker with ice; strain into a martini glass. Garnish with a sprig of mint and barfight. “Gin Alexander”Shake 2 ounces each of: gin, White Creme de Cacao, and light cream with ice and strain into a highball glass. “The Original Singapore Sling”Bartender Ngiam Tong Boon gave to humanity this classic cockail originated at the Raffles Hotel, Singapore in 1915 - throw a shot each of gin, orange juice, and pineapple juice; half a shot each of Benedictine, cherry liquor or brandy (not Maraschino), Cointreau or Triple Sec, and lime juice; and a dash of Grenadine into a shaker with ice. Shake and strain over ice in a collins glass. Top with club soda. In the foul year of our Lord, 1971, Raoul Duke suggested that you should garnish with a hit of mescal. Or at the very least, a Maraschino cherry, orange wedge, and pineapple chunk. And eat some more mescal on the side. Oh, and you'll need the cocaine. “Gin and Sin”Shake 1 1/2 ounces gin, 1 ounce each of orange juice and lemon juice, and half a teaspoon Grenadine with ice and strain into a cocktail glass. “Gin Shots”Old school, hardcore style. Fill a shotglass with chilled gin and knock back. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. A variation, taught to me by the legend himself, Fernando Martinez, which he calls the “gin slammer,” or “slammer” for short, is to fill a HEAVY and STRONG shot glass with half gin and half tonic, then cup the top of the glass with the palm of your hand, pick up the glass, slam it down on a table and immediately take the shot. The mixture explodes in your mouth and there is no other thought, but to repeat, again and again. The drunker you get, the more of a mess you make. Zamboni, motherfucker. Zamboni Zamboni. “The Napoleon Martini”Because somewhere, sometime, somehow down the line, you'll just happen to have all four of these ingredients available, at the same time and in the same place. Combine two shots gin, half an ounce of Curaçao, and a third of an ounce each of Dubonnet Rouge and Amer Picon into a shaker with ice; strain into a martini glass. Garnish a rolled up $100 dollar bill, and praise the good life. “Gin Grand”Shake 1 1/2 ounces gin, 1/2 ounce each of Grand Marnier and lime juice, and 1 ounce pinapple juice with ice and strain into a martini glass. Garnish with a slice of kumquat. “Tom Collins”Shake 2 ounces gin, one ounce lemon juice, and one teaspoon of sugar with ice and strain into a highball glass full of ice. Add 3 ounces club soda and stir gently. Garnish with a cherry and an orange wedge. “The Gimlet”I've heard a bunch of ways to make this drink with different proportions of gin and lime juice; some recipes call for a dash of sugar. I'm biased, because I drink my gin straight. The best combination I've found is three parts gin to two parts lime juice, with a dash of sugar into a shaker with ice; strained over ice in a freezing frosty (like a frosty bitch) cocktail glass. Garnish the tension with a lemon wedge. “Perfect Lady”Shake 2 ounces gin, 1/2 ounce sour mix, and 1 ounce Triple sec with ice and strain into a martini glass. Garnish with a strawberry. The love of my life.
Gin Martini & Other Recipes |
