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Fuck you, Jane Fonda.

Fuck you.

Article III, Section 3 of the United States Constitution:

Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying war against them, or in adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort. No person shall be convicted of treason unless on the testimony of two witnesses to the same overt act, or on confession in open court.

The Congress shall have power to declare the punishment of treason, but no attainder of treason shall work corruption of blood, or forfeiture except during the life of the person attainted.

There is a very definite distintion between marching in the streets or burning your draft card, and physically going into an enemy state to aid and hang out with the enemy. The first two acts are hippie civil disobedience; the third is a an act of treason.

At least none of the smelly hippies, who are protesting the war in Iraq, are actually going around announcing that Al Queda is the shit, much less going to the Middle East to hang out with those towelheads.

Who the Hell is Jane Fonda?

In this picture, I see the enemy, the North Vietnamese Army (NVA), at least 10 witnesses, and I see Jane Fonda aiming one of the enemy's anti-aircraft guns. During her two-week stay in Hanoi in July, 1974, she appeared on a dozen Radio Hanoi broadcasts, in which she lauded the NVA and denied that American POW's were being mistreated. I'd say that's grounds for an attainder of treason. We, the people, have every right to slander her name and steal every asset she has until she's dead, as stated by the Constitution.

Unlike many constutions in existence before, during, or since the the U.S. Constitution, the definition and processing of 'treason' are spelled out explicitly. Note that it says that act of planning to betray your country does not count as treason; that's conspiracy. Sedition is also not treason. You have to be fighting actively against the country, swearing by the enemy, or helping the enemy, in order to commit treason. Moreover, the burden of proof for treason must be very strong.

Hence or otherwise, the due course of action against traitors is defined by subsection 2: Congress can punish you for treason. That's right - traitors don't get the protections of neither due process nor any other relevant article or amendment. Upon conviction, the government has right to 'corruption of blood' and 'forefeiture,' an antiquated but still applicable British Common Law practice, where the state can take away any and every thing in, or relating to, your name. This right includes your Atlanta residence, your bank accounts, and your Oscar for playing the role of a disease-ridden whore in a shitty movie.

Rememeber, I am against the dealth penalty. Many may argue that of all crimes, treason would be the one most deserving of capital punishment. Be that as it may, we all must not forget that this country of ours, our 'shining city on a hill,' was founded by a bunch of guys who committed treason against England.

She did What?

What makes Jane Fonda not like the founders of our great and providenced nation, the United States of America? She had the audacity to commit treason and then came back here, pretending like nothing happened. You can't just betray your country and then expect your government to accomodate for you things like running water, a library card, citizenship, or the Bill of Rights? BIll OF ATTAINDER, BITCH.

John Hancock didn't make any trips back to England, did he?

I am, however, not against cruel and unusual forms of torture. I'm sure a lot of British guys during and after the American Revolution wanted to torture all of our glorified but underappreciated founding fathers. This same standard applies to Jane Fonda. For the sake of not tainting the future genetic stock of our species, we as human beings have due obligation to electro-shock her ovaries. God only helps those who help themselves. Jane Fonda, we have divine authorization to sterilize you.

Segue.

When Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, died for our sins, I'm pretty sure he wasn't too thrilled about dying for Jane Fonda's transgressions. Nevertheless, as He was the most awesome and most manly of men, He bit the proverbial bullet and did it anyway. At any rate, He must have calculated that if Jane Fonda is the type who accepts Ho Chi Minh, she would not be the type to accept the divine grace of Jesus. Rest assured, “Hanoi Jane,” that:

Jesus is very, very disappointed in you.

More research needed. Full page will be done soon.

Bear with me.

Written by Dinah Cheshire
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