homefetishcup cakeromantischrichard ngpetersonsymbionesejane fondaprodigalflippinganimeblowdonnerbáthoryesotericsalvationsublimissavantimagestextgin |
||||||
|
I'm going to define “nothing.” Parmenides posed the earliest recorded notion of “nothing” or nothingness in fragments of On Nature. Wallace Stevens also plays with the semantics of “nothing” in the poem, “The Snow Man” from Harmonium (1921). I have included personal commentary (which is better than most of the pseudo-intellectual bullshit out there for this poem). Prepare for the hurting that your brain will inevitably endure. How can you define “nothing” if there is nothing to define? Or, if “nothing” represents nothing and is nothing, then is “nothing” representative of something? Hence or otherwise, if “nothing” is not something, then is “nothing” something else (thereby making it something)? Is the thought of “nothing” nothing? Am I asking for a proof-by-quintuple-contradiction reductio ad absurdum apagogical argument? Did I just disprove tertium non datur? Ἡ εις άτοπον απαγωγη! How many reconditely circumlocutory morphemes can I exploit in one superflously agglomerated supposition? What the Fuck?“Without something, there is no nothing.” Is this statement a truth or a contradiction? Do you want to start playing semantics? Without some 'thing,' is there no no 'thing?' Who the fuck cares? Does something exist? Is 'nothing' nothing truly? Is it an 'if-then' statement, or a listed comment? If you are without something, then there is no nothing? ...without something, a.k.a. there is no nothing? Again, what the fuck is the point of this fucking page? Duh, the page is called 'esoteric.' Then, why bother to continue reading? Ex nihilo nihil fit. Because I assure you that once you've read this page and its subpages, you'll be able to trump every single philosophical debate at every single college-campus serving, pseudo-intellectual café, bar, or tapas lounge. During my tenure of what is one of the most pretentious, know-it-all, worldly-wannabe, pseudo-intellectual campuses in America (Columbia), I have discovered the secret of winning every single argument with those types. You know what I'm talking about: they sit with their iMacs and iPods, bragging about how they discovered some band on their playlist before everyone else (you and I) heard it on Garden State, sipping their overpriced, dairy-free coffee, emo glasses, turtlenecks with holes at the end of the sleeves for their thumbs, Chuck Taylor hi-tops, perhaps a 'SAVE CBGB'S' shirt, and at least 5 pins on their corduroy/denim messenger bags that have a capital letter 'W' with a strikethrough, as if it was the only way to express their opinion that Bush sucks. Complaining about global warming or globalization as they take their stepdad's Cadillac Escalade to the student rally, armed with gigantic cardboard signs that denounce the fascist logging industry. How do you win? You don't win by proving them wrong. In their minds, or better yet, “IMHO” “in [their] honestly humble opinion[s], ” THEY ARE NEVER WRONG. The only way to win is to be even more esoteric than them. Use bigger words. Use metrosexual hand gestures. Use words like “juxtaposition,” “paradigm,” “post-modern,” and “dichotomy.” Use a 'logical' argument so convoluted that not even the most artsy of art students will be able to keep up with you. You have to be super-excessive. You have to be so esoteric that they can't even pretend to understand you. And if they're too stupid to understand you, they can't pretend to outsmart you either. You know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about that bar scene in Good Will Hunting. Well guess what? I can trump both those assholes with their asshole Boston accents. I am goint to commit the ultimate esoteric esotericism. I am going to define “nothing.” By using the movie, Spiceworld. Starring the “Spice Girls.”
“We're really sorry.” “Say You'll Be There.”We have Roger Moore playing the character, 'The Chief,' in the movie, Spiceworld. I got the quote from this movie.
“Without something, there is no nothing.” Yes, of all the movies to quote a stupid but crucial question of such significant significance, I quote Spiceworld. Man, what a fucking guilty pleasure. There. I admit it. I love that movie. I love how the movie is so fucking stupid and so devoid of characters with brain cells, that it's a fucking work of retarded genius. I own the Spiceworld DVD. I paid $5.99. It cost less than the ticket to go see the movie. Fuck yeah.
“Wait a minute. Um, do godmothers get stretch marks?” “Without Something”
asdf “There is No Nothing”
pron.
n.
adj.
adv.
Oh I See Now.The definition of “nothing” has “something” in the definition, literally! Oh, how the laws of semantics be a harsh mistress! (under construction, bitches)
Written by Dinah Cheshire |
